What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 30.06.2025 03:38
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Creatine supports brain and muscle health during every stage of life - Earth.com
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The Ocean Is Getting Darker, Threatening All That Lives Within - ScienceAlert
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
The Return: Now We Know When Shōta Imanaga is Coming Back! - Bleacher Nation
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She loved him until the end.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
What's your take on Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? How has it affected you?
Comes on , in middle age.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Would this be the day?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I write beautiful poetry .
New Report Details Knicks’ Jalen Brunson Concern Before Firing Tom Thibodeau - Sports Illustrated
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And i lived it daily.
Changes in gut, mouth bacteria tied to Parkinson’s cognitive decline - Parkinson's News Today
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
All the time i was locked up.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Daniel Jones touts "productive spring" in learning, understanding Colts offense - NBC Sports
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Live Updates: FSU 5, Miss. St. 2 -- FINAL - 247Sports
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Young & Restless Preview: Cane’s Agenda Revealed — ‘No More Secrets and No More Games’ - Soaps.com
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Drake Maye “starting to find a stride” in Patriots’ new offense - NBC Sports
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Treasuries Rally on Fed Cut Hopes, Stocks Hit Peak: Markets Wrap - Bloomberg
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
United Switches Off Starlink Internet on Regional Jets After Static Problem - WSJ
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I never cut or harmed myself..
What did i know ?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Put me off passion for life!!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She married twice! .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Ive learnt so much.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But it wasn’t much.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was seconnd youngest,
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
One cannot live in the past .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She found it foreign!.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I said to her
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I waited trembling.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My life is so biszare .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
So, i spoilt her more .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I have no regrets .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My family never makes their pension either.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was very sick at this time too.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She wouldn,t have been !
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We were not on the streets..
But, we were locked up after school.
Why did i forgive my father ?
As i do to all so called friends.?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She was in good health!
I was 9 years of age.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
This is soul school!.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He knew the spot.
So whats the point in blame.
It was going to be , some day.
Who then, do I blame.?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was scared of men, in general
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
When she asked me how she looked .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I don,t even have a pension.
Im still living with it.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I will be 64.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I think the readers, may guess!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Especially a lifetime of it.
We all went to grammer schools
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I know ,a lot about trauma.